migration.

recent heart-stopping server breakdowns over at my old blog host have prompted me to migrate over to the commonly used blogspot in the hopes of saving my memories somewhere my mind couldn't. well i guess it's time, eh? and perhaps it just might be i'll gain even a bit more pathetic readership. (hehe, so much for the unconventional choices)

other than thinking that migrating was a biatch for a week plus or so, i guess it was fun (as well as absolutely embarrassing) to reread stuff that, strangely, i store but i wish i never had to read. it's funny how i believe that not deleting the past would make me come to terms with it, and yet i'm strangely afraid to read the works of the ancient (well, not very so) virtual me.

various adjectives come to mind, some i'll prefer not to say, but well, stuff like pretentious, immature, quick to shoot my mouth off, and, just plain insensitive for the sake of it.

actually, i never really read them much, just plain cut and paste, but some were just crying out to be read and my eyes, they fail my commands sometimes and engage in self-depreciating acts.

gosh, how long that must have been then, since i first started in sec 1 or 2 on freeopendiary, and then sec 3 on ebloggy, and now here. it's like, uh, 7 years or thereabouts?

but the funny thing is, during migration you actually do learn about yourself. i'm not in a position of authority to say that it's evolution, but somehow you grow more intelligent (i sure do hope), more mature (yes this too), and more toned down.

but you lose something too, like the innocence of youth, and the exuberance for life, and the passion and naive attitude towards the world in general. save lives, make a difference, be the king of the world, etc.

and you become jaded, and unwillingly accept your lot in life, until you yourself are convinced that this is to be.

i guess sometimes you feel like you've improved as a person, but what you've lost just discounts yourself from a human being, from what was initially 'to be'.

but hey, guess what. i'm actually quite content and feeling lucky that i turned out this way in fact. thanks to a lot, and also a particular person!

yup, you older and wiser one.